id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
