Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
