so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
