don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
