She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
