He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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