giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
