I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
