After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
