i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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