Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
