you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
