Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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