I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
