That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
