lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
