man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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