Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
