god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
