i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
