the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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