bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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