I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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