she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
