also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This house was built for laser tag.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
