hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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