Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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