Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
