So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
