I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
