i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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