Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont even know how to be here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
