it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
