I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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