No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
