ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
