I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what day is it and did you see me today?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
