I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
