Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
