my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
