I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
