i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
