he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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