life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think people are normalizing furries
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
