Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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