A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
