so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
