On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
