well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
