my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
