I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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